Sunday, 28 September 2014

Of Joy and Tragic and a New Chapter

Yesterday (26th Sept 2014) was a day of huge emotional roller coaster for me.
Let me share with you yet another story of personal growth.

I am definitely not proud of some of them, but it is an undeniable fact that they have made me the person that I am right now at this moment. The last thing I would ever want to do is to sugar-coat my life and fabricate a life of only "flowers and sunshine", because the most important purpose of this blog is to document my growth and learning of the world

{ To be a person is to have a story to tell.}
- Isak Dinesen                                       

Yesterday marked the start of the semester break, where the girls and I killed all the yummy dim sums at East Ocean in Takashimaya after a starving morning of quiz and lectures. It felt so so nice to have full attendance at last, talking about makeup/boys/fats/hair/irritating instagram people, circling around Suntec's fountain of wealth for 4 rounds because we couldnt decide where to go, getting high over slightly-hot-and-probably-mixed waiter and all. 

This sem literally FLIES. I know everyone says that (maybe except freshies), but trust me, the speed of time in your final year is A WHOLE NEW OTHER LEVEL. Yes I do very much want to finally stop memorising about ' EU's Marco Polo Programme ' and start working to create actual value to the society, but I like the way we talk and laugh now. It's so unscripted and unpolluted, and I feel alive at moments like these.

This is our dearest birthday girl  

The six of us are so different in personality, but together, they make up the brightest colour in my college life. The days we spent together in Norway will always be a gem in my heart. 

This moment was basically the last time in that day that I was actually feeling happy. Things soon went down from here. 

I shall not elaborate too much into the detail of the tragic, because I sincerely pray this piece of very horrible memory will soon be whitewashed by time. It still brings a bad taste in my mouth thinking about it right now.

We basically blown a very small issue completely out of proportion. It was indeed very true to the words that "Nothing good happens after 2am", especially with much alcohol pumping in your blood and brain. 

We hurled words of daggers at each other, did things to each other that we will continue to be deeply regrettable of, defending ourselves with high walls raised and trying our best to wrong and pierce the other party. 

{Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret--it leads only to evil.}
Psalm 37:8-9                               

The outcome was both of us being terribly damaged and worn out by this very unhealthy state of fight. I literally could feel my blood thickening and anger warming up my joints whenever I think of what happened last night. This is a physical reaction caused by a psychological trauma and that is how bad it really was. 

It was never easy from the start, but last night was yet another low point in our relationship and I think both of us had finally reached our threshold with this. 

This morning when I woke up, I could finally feel my rationality,despite last night's alcohol still hanging around in my head. 

I asked myself a lot of questions and tried to answer each of them objectively. The conclusion was that I am not giving up just yet, but the fact is things have gone far too bad right now and have to be fixed with concrete conscious efforts.

So we talked.
In the comfort and beauty of the nature.
We made a plan, gave ourselves deadlines and our hearts could finally smile again.

The bottom line is: Relationships should be happy.

That is fundamental of all relationships and we often tend forget about this along the way. If it no longer feels happy anymore, then it is a red flag that things are no longer right anymore. Change it, stop it, or do whatever you should do for yourselves. Because at the end of the day, you just need to answer one sinple question to know if you are heading the correct direction: Do the both of us feel genuinely happy in this relationship? 

Yes the future is unknown, but now we can say we will never let anger get the better of us ever again. 

Here's to a better tomorrow to each and every one of you.
May love always prevails.