Monday, 8 May 2017

Why Do I Travel

This coming weekend, I'm gonna go for a 2-week trip and I could barely suppress my excitement at this moment. Not only it's gonna be more of an adventure than a holiday, it also has much more significance attached to it on different levels (will elaborate on it next time). 

As usual, some elements of risk are involved here - and mind you, I'm not even talking about the unplanned risk like here, here & here- I'm talking about the kind of risk that we know for a FACT that we'd come across. To make things worse, both my boyfriend and I have been having nightmares about the trip and it really just seems like a bad omen / warning from god about the upcoming trip...

I know people around me don't understand why I would travel this way; they have asked this question so much that they had given up asking. Now, it's just 'it's so you", followed by an exasperated sigh. On hindsight, it seemed like I was indeed after the unknown and the adrenaline derived from experiencing the unknown during my younger days.These days, a lot has changed.

I no longer feel the attraction to the unknown, on the contrary, it intimidates me a little. My pretrip plan used to mean finding transport from airport to city, first night of accommodation, and deciding the place & time of return flight. THAT's ALL CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! If you were to ask me to travel that way right now, my OCD will burst through the roof for sure.

Then why am I still doing these risky travels?

I thought I was after the million-dollar scenery. But when I asked myself, so if there's two ways to reach the same mountain top - one by an aircon cable car (say for free), the other by a two-day hike, I realize I would choose the latter without hesitation. This then reveals itself to me that I am in fact subconsciously subjecting myself to demanding situations that puts my body/senses/will to some kind of test. 

It dawns on me that I have no noble reasons to travel, the reason turns out be rather narcissistic actually - I want to see myself being humbled, being intimidated, and by these emotions, pull out the weakness and smallness that's in my character to become the person that's so much more than I am currently. In other words, I want to inspire myself and foster more respect for myself from within. 

This might sound like I'm having some sort of schizophrenic obsession with my own mind, but trust me, it actually came from a place of slight self-loathing (the positive peeps called it self-motivation) and self-understanding. I know very clearly what kind of things/people impress me, and I also know it really have to go the extent of being forced into a corner with no ANY other way to get me really going on a fight. 

Think evolution, the camels didn't grow two extra humps becos being voluptuous is in trend or that they like to take small baths through the day. Societal views and personal preference can't carve real lasting changes into your body or your mind, but an intrinsic fight of will always does. 

Now back to the real shit.
So according to the Internet, the places that I will be going to look like these. 

They look crazily surreal I know but even if reality is only 50% of the above, it still looks pretty magical to me. Will try my best to stay one piece and unharmed (don't know if it's age or the crazy altitude that we'll be heading to, but I really feeling a little scared for this trip), so till then darlings