Friday, 13 November 2015

Remembering my 23rd year

2015 is not just a year of time, it is a collection of immense changes and intense happenings.

Oh, where shall I even begin with.

I took a look at my bye-22nd-oh-hello-23rd post last year, and immediately felt like I have aged at least two years from then. (It's quite a bargain isn't it, gathering 2 years' worth of lessons and hopefully wisdom in the spam of 1 year. Heh)

But nonetheless, I would hold my heart in my palm, and tell you that my 23rd year in this world is the year that I start feeling proud of myself. Not because I have evolved into a rational thinker - oh god, the truth couldn't be further from that - but because I finally allowed me to be honest with myself.

I removed people from my life whose companionship was nothing but ill-intended and toxic in nature, and also let go of those half-hearted ones who always drift in and out of my life as and when they feel like it. Ultimately, I just entirely stopped being 'okay' with people treating me shit. It felt like my world shrank quite a bit, but I like myself so much more now.

2015 is the year of love.
I have learnt and experienced so so many dimensions and facets to love, so much that it feels like I have traveled half the world and seen so much of the life that I did not know have existed before. One thing I know for sure, there are only more to come in my 24th year. This year I followed my heart, I hope I would remember to do so for all the years in the rest of my life. I wish everyone will get to know love at one point of their lives, because seriously, I can't think of anything else that is more important than that. 

After incrementally mastering the art of not giving much fuck year by year, I've finally come to a state right now that I am just not fearful of losing anything anymore. The realization that I will always be strong enough to lift myself up no matter the circumstances forms very much the basis of all my liberation and confidence. 

So thank you 23rd self, you have done a good job. In fact, the best so far. Thank you for being so frank to your life, to the limited precious life that you have, thank you for allowing yourself to struggle to hesitate to listen to lose to wrong to rebel to be alone to accept to break to bloom to heal, and to love.

 Because of you, I am ready to be 24.  
Thank you. I will be the best of you, for you.