Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

I like hair

The smell of hair, the touch of hair, the concept of hair

Each of them so unbelievably insignificant, so fragile, so independent

But together, they actually define me

Come to think about it

the state of my hair has indeed been reflecting the state of my mind

It had been a stack of sun-soaked hay during the times where my mind was made completely dead and unexcited of life, and it was a ridiculous head of extensions when I needed many masks to get me through the days 

Those were the dog days.

Now it is 

smooth

vibrant

shiny

flowing

basically, much alive

-I realise I sound like this post is going to end up promoting some hair products or something, but no. This is an actual deep post intending to reflect the metaphysical state of being through the notion of hair. so yeaaa-

Reason is because I am happy 

Very very much happy

The happiness and contentment overwhelms my heart and the ability to feel emotions is what makes me alive

But I have concerns.

The tresses, albeit in a lovely state, are limply

There is a lack of strength in them, they dont make me feel strong

Just like a delicate China deliberately stored and kept away from the forces of heat, air, and every day grinds

 And my fear is that, that is exactly what my life is right now - me keeping myself away from the grinds, immersing myself in my own bubble, sustaining my happiness only on a day-to-day basis

I am no fine China 

I am not, and will not be, that frail and feeble bowl that can't even withstand the hit of a metal cutlery

At the core of my definition, 

I know I am a fucking crucible 

Nowhere near pretty, but will always survive the white of fire.

always.

The Both of Us

That someday shall be today.

Or at least, to start from today.

Even if it's not for myself, I'll have to do it for you.

For that very big heart of yours.

Taylor, thank you for singing me a hymn.
It will always reminds me whom I shall better myself for

Don't Tell Me Who I Ought To Be

You are always gonna judge me

Based on your prior perception and experience with people in your life whom you deem as the same type as me

Cos it’s just so convenient isn't it

Not having to subject yourself to the lengthy process of chartering into the unknown territory that is my personality, character, and soul

where you will have to see me as a stand-alone individual 

So you’ve already decided right from the beginning

That I shall never be worthy of you embarking on such laborious journey just to reach a conclusion of whether you will like me as a person  

It’s like you take one look at me

interact with me for an hour

and then proceed to file me into your mind as followed

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­__________________________________________________________

• Open “People (C:)” drive

• Select a common folder: “Colleagues/Schoolmates/Acquaintances/Friend’s friend/etc.”

• Select the corresponding folders and subsequent subfolders for further profiling  “Gender->Age->Race->Religion->Nationality->Education Background->etc.”

• Finally, when you reach the “Type” folder, scroll down the list and drop my file into the “Materialistic” folder, and if you have extra time, quickly copy my file and paste it into some other folders such as “Will Do Anything For Money/Shallow/Arrogant/etc.”

____________________________________________________________

So can you imagine how much effort it will take if you were to change your mind and think 

“Hey, let me know this person as a brand new individual instead”??

You will have to:

• Locate ALL the folders that my files are present in
• Evaluate again if it’s still the right location (i.e. still true to what you’ve learnt of me)
• Delete or move my files to other folders based on your conclusion from previous step
• If no appropriate folder is found, you actually have to RIGHT CLICK ON EMPTY SPACE -> SELECT ‘NEW’ -> SELECT ’NEW FOLDER’ AND THEN DROP MY FOLDERS IN

 Ohmygod.

How tedious right.

But you know what

I’m actually not very bothered with whatever folder you placed me in

What I am NOT okay with is people 

RIGHT CLICKING ON MY FILE 

SELECT “PROPERTIES” 

 GO TO “DETAILS” TAB

AND DELETING MY NAME AND ADDING IN THEIRS UNDER THE “AUTHORS” VALUE

In other words

People can have every perceptions of me for all they want to

But don’t, henceforth, expect me to start behaving according to the way you have categorized me

Because I can safely tell you
your perception is not

 -and will never be-

the truth about me
You just have no idea